The Looking Glass (Originally Posted Jan. 12, 2014)

I’ve debated with myself for quite sometime on whether to include for you just how desperate life as a single mom got, while dealing with severe health problems related to the brain tumor.

Without parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents or anyone significant in our lives to help us deal with this crisis, it made my already difficult life, now impossible. 
Never mind the financial ramifications of losing job after job for taking too many sick days, and not even being able to attend school,
But imagine what that does to ones self esteem? How it felt to face my friends, who were all graduating college and marrying successful men and starting families on a comfortable living. 
 
Oooh how I longed for that life. I watched with envy, feeling like Alice staring in from the other side of the looking glass where I lived in an ever darkening world that was closing in around me…
 
And this was just as I began to fall down the rabbit hole, before the diagnosis. 
I was sick far too much, Catching every bug that went around and my weakened immune system did not seem to fight it off before the next bug hit. 
Doctors wanted to blame it on depression, quickly prescribing yet one more SSRI to mess with the brain chemistry going on. 
 
Why is it that a doctor needs all this “proof” to justify certain testing, yet no evidence whatsoever to make a hasty diagnosis of depression, and then treat it with a drug that he does not know will work?
 
I’d like to take this moment to declare that if I was not depressed before, this was enough to drive me to it. 🙂 
 
Today’s logic (shaking head) 
 
This was the beginning of the road to despair, and wound up with me wearing pink underwear and black and white stripes in the not-so-sought after Miracopa County Jail run by Sherrif Joe Arpaio himself. .. An experience I involuntarily relive at night when the world sleeps. 
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