I’ve been floating in dark waters for a while.
Restricting. Listening to my own voice.
I have my own routine where every action equals a result. I learned how to get my desired results in the way I wanted, uninterrupted.
I don’t like being interrupted.
I stay away from things or people who interrupt my balance.
But it gets harder to maintain for a longer period of time.
So things got more rigid.
I have a lot of rules.
But I made a promise a long time ago to attend an event this weekend.
It seriously unraveled weeks of work for me!
In 2 days!
I’m in despair! I’m reeling! I’m skreeching! I’m aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!
I am paralyzed!
I don’t want to see the light of day for weeks!
I picked up a pen tonight and the image of jamming it into my neck flashed through my mind. It made me want to laugh and marvel!
I want to hide in my bed and not look at another skale until I see bone.
I found myself biting into something without even realizing it, barely able to regain composure before I ravaged my pantry. Next thing I’ll be eating in my sleep !!!
I want to strait jacket myself, lock me in a room til I’ve attoned for my follies today and yesterday.
My heart is heavy and the dark waters are stormy.