EMERGENCY help for us! Homeless, disabled, single mom!

We have been homeless for 2+ years. Few of you know because i simply have been scared and embarrassed to ask. Our safety has been so badly compromised that we simply cant continue like this!
We have iether been living on the streets, in our car, couch hopping or when we are fortunate enough…God has given opportunities to stay in a hotel.
Were on every housing waiting list and have been for years with no end in sight.
I dont qualify for most transitional housing because im unable to work.

We wake up at night to gunshots nearby, recently a body was found here in bad condition, heavy police presence here nearly every day, sewer smell coming from bathrooms, police choppers routinely overhead on weekends, drugs, violence…the list is so long!!!!!

Please help in any way you can and SHARE SHARE SHARE the link!!!

My poor son has had to grow up too fast and endour things no child…or person, should have to.

Please help me put a roof over our heads and an end to our crisis.

Click the link To donate or share:

https://www.gofundme.com/help4starrfamily

Thank you so much for all the help!

Audrey and Pharaoh

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MY RECOVERY COLLEGE IS AXED!

I had to show my support for this!!! Please, if you would take just a minute of your time and sign this petition and show your support for a good cause, I sure did! It’s a worthy one!

Elliesofia

a college

Why can’t the government leave things alone if they are working well?! They have decided to stop the funding for my college which is a Recovery College. It’s a college for 500 people like myself who are living with or recovering from (or trying to) mental health conditions. It’s a great place and has really helped me gain my confidence and learn new coping strategies. I’ve also made lots of friends of all sorts there and got to know all the tutors and other staff really well. We’ve been running for nearly four years now, learned a lot, shared a lot and had a lot of fun. Also, on a more serious note, I and we have all learned so much about coping with our lives with a mental health disorder and some of us have been able to move along to voluntary or paid avenues. I attend there 3-4…

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Regret

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On my BIRTHDAY?!!!

REALLY?!!!

I let you in

I called you freind

I felt sorrow for you

I CRIED for you!

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You haven’t got a clue how much I hurt for you

I might be gullible, but at least I’m still able to care about something other than ME!

To you this must just be a game,

a ploy for attention.

But for me, this is life!

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I worried for you

Lost sleep over you!!!

But in the end, I was just the idiot who believed you…

Lesson LEARNED!

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I think you enjoy watching people get hurt by what you do.

No matter,

I’m through!

 

_________________________________________________________

REGRET-

Fiona Apple

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‘Member when we argued on the concept of regret?
You were an expert even then but not me, not yet
Now all you gotta do’s remind me that we met
And there you got me, that’s how you got me, taught me to regret

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‘Member how I asked you why are you so mean?
You didn’t know how to yet to bein’ seen
I tried to be your friend, you made me seem so ?
And there you got me, that’s how you got me, you taught me to be mean

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I ran out of white dove feathers
To soak up the hot piss that comes through your mouth
Every time you address me

 

‘Member when I was so sick and you didn’t believe me?
Then you got sick too and guess who took care of you?
You hated that, didn’t you? Didn’t you?

Now when you look at me, you’re condemned to see
The monster your mother made you to be
And there you got me, that’s how you got free,
you got rid of me

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Alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone, leave me alone
Leave me alone, leave me alone
Alone

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What to do, or rather, what I did when I discovered I w

This Hunger Is Secret

I get this question now and then. I hear, “I am a burden to my family.” Or, “I’m just a drain on everyone.” Or, “I really don’t want to trouble anyone with my problems.”

Or what do when you find out rather suddenly, when you put two and two together and figure out those very nice folks really don’t want the likes of YOU hanging around? That they might be allowing you in, but they’re only doing this because they feel sorry for you, and would rather you weren’t there at all.

I’ve felt that way at many of the places I’ve been. Like I was the “charity case” being allowed in, but that I was not really wanted. Like I had nothing to contribute, really, but this was all tokenism, and maybe they’d include me, just to be “nice.”

I always felt that way when I was a young…

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Daddy’s Girl

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Every year Fathers Day has been a day of pain and bitterness for me.

I’d go to great lengths to “skip” that day.

On this holiday I knew that my dad would be patting himself on the back in a congratulatory manner for the years of abuse I had endured at his hands. I found it so offensive.

And my sons father wasn’t much better.

As far as I was concerned, fathers were a big disappointment.

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Occasionally I would hear a song by another woman dedicated to her father, or a man dedicated to his daughter and they nearly always brought tears to my eyes.

Tears of grief and loss, knowing I would never have that or be able to sing a song like it.

Once, in an attempt to have something that was not there, I made a recording of the song “Butterfly Kisses” for my dad on a cassette tape and gave it to him. It was like pulling teeth just to get him to listen to it.

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I woke up at the crack of dawn for a week, without any particular reason or special occasion, to cook him a good breakfast before he left for work so that maybe he’d spend some quality time talking with me for breakfast and wouldn’t be in such a rush to get out the door.

He barely ate, didn’t sit down, and still left in a rush.

I don’t remember what happened to the tape, but I do remember feeling brushed off.

I daydreamed about a dad who would cheer me on at ballet recitals and be my support through persuing my acting/singing dream. I even wished for a father who would take some interest in the guys I dated and the dances I wanted to go to and who I had a crush on. I especially needed some guidance and a push when I was graduating high school and should have been applying for colleges.

I needed a dad!!!

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I would have been so close to my dad, given half a chance!

I maintain that I always should have been a daddy’s girl, Just not with the one I had.

This Fathers Day, however, brings a ray of hope!!

As I eliminate the toxic relationships from my life, it has made room for new healthy ones.

A friendship has formed and developed into a very special bond.

The empty space in my heart that once ached for a father I find being filled more and more every day.

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The songs that used to bring so much pain and sadness before, now spark a sense of new found joy and excitement from deep within.

He has become my friend and mentor, and in many ways, the father I never had.

Though he never taught me to ride a bike, or sat with me to do homework, I already know he would have.

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He has shown me that there are good people still in this world, and how to trust again. There was absolutely no reason for him to stick around, and every reason for him to walk away, yet he stayed.

He showed me the meaning of loyalty.

He showed me what honor and kindness is.

He showed me that a man can be compassionate, gentle, nurturing, and loving without bad motives.

He showed me what a real man is.

He showed me what real love is.

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He has been there through my ups and downs.

He’s seen me through some really hard times.

He’s been there while I’ve been very sick, and he’s seen me grieve.

He’s never once judged me or made me feel bad for being me.

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He’s seen me at my absolute worst, and still finds reason’s to make me smile.

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He makes me want to be my absolute best!!

I want to be just like him!

My eyes fill with tears and my heart swells with emotion as I write this because I never in a million years thought I’d see the day when I could put my all in and say from the bottom of my heart

CHEERS!

TO THE GREATEST FATHER IN THE WORLD!

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you know who you are 😉

Poll

I’d like some feedback on what would be the first thing you’d like to find out about me.

My opinion on the mental health care system and my experience being in “the loony bin”

Experience growing up with a psychopathic father and the role I played in my family

My current status reeling from a triggering event, forcing me to relive my abuse. And the impact my past has made.

I have letters to my family that are raw.

Or make a suggestion… What would you like to know or read?

💭

I’ll run with it… Can’t wait to see what you have to say.

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Admitting is the first step

As I read through this blog, It feels like rubbing on a freshly re-broken bone. I have at times in recent months been unable to sleep, tears streaming, crying sitting in a heap of tangled bed covers, the way that broken child once did. Wet hair adhering to my sticky cheeks and forehead.

My mommy heart goes out to every single little girl or boy that cries on this night. 💗

Dark waters

I’ve been floating in dark waters for a while.
Restricting. Listening to my own voice.
I have my own routine where every action equals a result. I learned how to get my desired results in the way I wanted, uninterrupted.

I don’t like being interrupted.
I stay away from things or people who interrupt my balance.
But it gets harder to maintain for a longer period of time.
So things got more rigid.
I have a lot of rules.
But I made a promise a long time ago to attend an event this weekend.

It seriously unraveled weeks of work for me!

In 2 days!

I’m in despair! I’m reeling! I’m skreeching! I’m aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

I am paralyzed!

I don’t want to see the light of day for weeks!

I picked up a pen tonight and the image of jamming it into my neck flashed through my mind. It made me want to laugh and marvel!

I want to hide in my bed and not look at another skale until I see bone.

I found myself biting into something without even realizing it, barely able to regain composure before I ravaged my pantry. Next thing I’ll be eating in my sleep !!!

I want to strait jacket myself, lock me in a room til I’ve attoned for my follies today and yesterday.

My heart is heavy and the dark waters are stormy.